Practical Jokes

My friend loves playing practical jokes. He’s pretty good at them, too. One time, for instance, he came over and hardboiled all the eggs in my refrigerator, all 144 of them. “Holy shit! Someone’s broken into my fuckin’ house!” I yelled. I swept up the broken glass and tried eating some eggs and I laughed. Hah, that son of a bitch!

Another time he replaced my can of whipped cream with a can of shaving cream! He even went so far as to serve me a slice of pumpkin pie. “Would you not like some whipped cream with that pumpkin pie,” he asked me.

“Haha, no thank you, good friend. I am lactose intolerant. You know this.”

“I insist. I will get it for you.”

“Really, I should n--,” wham! A rolling pin to the back of my head. I woke up with shaving cream all over my face. Hah, that fucker!

His most recent practical joke was sheer genius, though. Well, it would’ve been had I not seen it coming a mile away. He tied me to a tree and drove a mile away and came at me full-speed in an 18-wheeler. “The joke is on you, you bastard,” I yelled as the vehicle burst into an orange ball of fire the size of a building.

“You son of a bitch!” He responded frenetically while diving into a lake to put out the flame that had engulfed his body.

“My friend, like water is going to prevent third degree burns!” I told him.

Hah, man! This guy, I tell ya!