Monday, October 13, 2008

Seeking Guest Writers

That’s right, friends, I’m seeking guest writers. I’m looking for someone who’ll contribute to this blog for money. That’s right, I’ll pay you. I’ll pay you how I pay the street walkers who indulge me on occasion: with poems. That's right, poems.

You’d be surprised how often prostitutes will accept mediocre, drunken poetry as payment for fellatio. No, I guess it’s not that surprising. It’s only happened twice, and they were women I was dating at the time.

Anyway, potential guest writers, the ideal candidate will:

-Be attractive;

-Not be experiencing any financial hardships so as to accept poems or sexual favors as payment;

-Not outshine me and;

-Be witty and provocative.

Actually, be either witty or provocative for a writer with a combination of the two will surely outshine me. If that happens, you’re dead. You hear that, motherfucker? DEAD.

If interested, post relevant information as a comment and I’ll contact you within a minute of applying.

13 comments:

edgarino said...

go to hell

frank said...

I'm sorry, I have chosen not to honor that request but would like to extend you a writing invitation.

Why is nobody taking this seriously?

Chromie said...

-I have a visible missing tooth
-I work in nonprofit
-My batteries are low and am only bright right when switched on
-I only provoke the gag reflex.

I can actually only satisfy the third point and kinda a bit of the fourth. Better than nothing, right?

I can haz teh job?

frank said...

I'm really only worried about others outshining me. If you can trick me into believing that you're not, I'll hire you yesterday. That's me talking like a businessman.

chromie, you're hired. I really wanna consolidate blogs. That'd be grand.

Chromie said...

Consolidate as in a merger? Is your blog waxing like financial giants and need to be assisted and/or taken over? How ticklishly topical of your blog, bravo!

In fact, just the other day, I did have an idea for a new blog...but it's somewhat thematic (very un-like my own), and maybe you might be keen on the idea.

I need to do more writing for cereals. We should talk. We can pretend we're whispering important things to each other, but all we're really saying is, "Pshew pshew psst budda budda moi moi moi moi moi..."

frank said...

I like your style. Your idea intrigues me and I'm sure my ear will be willing to pencil in some time. I think we can revolutionize this business.

Also, you're doubly hired. Or hire me. I need a new focus. This blog bores me.

edgarino said...

alright i'll bite

frank said...

Shoot me a PM if you're interesting. I'm talking to c-zon about consolidation.

frank said...

Also, if you are interested.*

Ninja said...

Do you mean "Ghost Rider?" If you do, then, um ,no.

frank said...

No, though I don't condone ghost riding unless the ghosts are ghost riding the whip in which case they should be locked up in purgatory.

PuPCakes said...

woof?

frank said...

Care to contribute?