So the one year anniversary of this bitch is coming quick. It came so quick I didn’t even realize it. Now I know how my sexual partners feel. Nah, I’m kidding, I’m as flaccid as a half-filled water balloon.
Anyway, to celebrate I’m throwing a party at my place. I’m gonna have grab bags of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos and a 2/3-full bottle of 7up.
Lucky for you all, the anniversary lands on October 4th, a Saturday. This means that there’s no work the next day and we can stay up as late as we want watching Saturday Night Live on my bed. I’ll be on the computer watching porn, but you guys can eat my Cheetos and drink my 7up on my bed. Just bring your own fucking napkins. I don’t want any Cheeto residue staining my bed. Make sure they’re moist napkins because dry napkins don’t do shit against Cheeto dust fingers. I don’t need to be telling you this.
If you don’t bring your own moist napkins, I’m not letting you in.
Don’t RSVP, I’ll just expect people at my door that night.
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5 comments:
somehow 'moist napkins' is a really repulsive phrase. i prefer 'wet nap' or 'moist towelette' but in a pinch you can say 'wipie' even though that's also kind of gross.
don't forget to spruce up the place with some flowers. You know how bitches get when you don't recognize...
Well, it was either that or damp rag or clammy toilet paper. You pick! Fine, towelette.
Can I eat the flowers? Can I 'deflower' one of them bitches? Wait, there's a joke in there. A joke about eating flowers.
A great majority of those are called Baby wipes. But that would imply that you want us to bring "ass wipes" which implies, well, you know.........
It's not that type of party. If you want a Flamin' Hot in your butt, go to an exclusively male bath house. Or come over every second Tuesday night of the month, Flamin' Hot suppository night.
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