Ode to The Simpsons

I love you if you know the episode.

From Future Weapons, a show on that Discovery Channel.

Host: We’re going to see an utterly ruthless weapon capable of unparalleled destruction. The engineers at Lockheed Martin have been working furiously for the past five months to unveil their newest doomsday device exclusively to you here on Future Weapons.

[Focus on bald head, shifty eyes. Tableau. Deeper focus.]

Host: Tell us about your weapon.

Scientist: We’ve been working on this weapon for months. Properly wielded, we believe it’ll be able to take the lives of countless third-country souls. But its beauty lies in its production cost: three ha’pence a piece.

Host: Wonderful. Wait, what?

Scientist: The unit is assembled in Guernsey.

Host: Acknowledged. Let’s see this masterpiece.

[A 2x4 with a nail is swung at the Host’s head.]

Host: That was too close.

Scientist: As you can see, it’s an effective weapon. The swing alone took the lives of thirteen “terrorists.” Here are their bodies.

[Host watches bodies uncarted. Turns to see the nail impaled into someone’s eye.]

Host: How?

Alright, I think what we can take from this is why does Lockheed Martin not register on MS Word’s spell check?

Also, I wrote this while completely plastered.